Splits guy?

There is a man who calls in at the yoga studio and tries to get people to say the word "splits." I've never spoken to him, but I have watched other people talk to him for ten minutes at a time, answering question after question while exhausting every possible synonym of the forbidden word.

While I was working today, the elevator opened to a tall, thin man with a shaved head. His face was stubbly, and his eyes were bright blue, barely visible under a pair of drowsy eyelids. It's always a little out of place when people show up between class times, but on top of that, he seemed to have no agenda whatsoever in arriving.

"You have the yoga here?" he asked me in a thick Russian accent.

"Yep. Our next class is at seven."

"I look for yoga. I want know if you have sch... schedule?" He gazed around lazily.

"It's all online. I can write down the website for you, if you like," I offered.

"It's all up here, you see," he said, pointing to his head with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I see," I replied.

"I see," he repeated. "And I see that you.. also... do this yoga?" His eyes shifted back and forth between my eyes and my right arm.

"Yep." Oh goody.

"You teach yoga?"

"A little, but I'm not certified yet."

"You teach here?"

"Nope. I'm not even certified. I just teach some friends and students."

"You teach me?" He tilted his head coyly. "You teach me to do this... what is it... splits?"

"No, sorry. But you can see the schedule there and find a class that works for you."

"And what is this called, this..." he opened his feet wide and gestured toward his spread legs with both hands. "I don't know all of these words so good in English."

"Hm, I'm not sure what you mean," I said. I knew exactly what he meant.

"Yes," he said mysteriously, and started to laugh. He mumbled something in Russian.

"Sorry?" I said, playing dumb.

"I don't know the word in English."

"Oh. Well, that's alright. Thanks for coming in!" I smiled at him; I pretended not to have understood a thing.

"Okay I check online, okay? Thank you," he said. He turned for the elevator and pressed the button.

I thanked him and watched him leave. I was relieved and a little exhilarated as I thought over the encounter. It's amazing how universally we all communicate, even without knowing the words so good in English.