Speaking of Drunk Men on the Train

I just saw an old man with bushy eyebrows alternating between shots from plastic bottles of Listerine and Coca-Cola. His bald head was red and surrounded by a flank of flat, white hair. He caught my attention because there was nobody else on the train saying anything (it was 5:18am), and he was conversing with the air at a volume suitable for a crowded pub. At first he just talked about the red sox and how to serve fried clams and other Bostonian topics, but his oeuvre expanded with time. Here are some highlights:

"You want me to do Billy Joel? I'll do Billy Joel for ya... Sing me a soooooong!! the piano man!!"

Then, setting his coke bottle on the floor in the center of the train: "You can have that! I won't have that!"

And on his way out: "I don't know why she loves me... I ain't handsome... I'm not Elvis Presley..."

All the while, a black woman sat in the center of the train car in a bright yellow turtleneck praying the rosary.